You may be wondering well your brother passed in 2011. Why did you wait so long to do this? The truth is I was so overcome with grief it felt as if the world for me had stopped, yet everyone else was carrying on with their lives as if nothing happened. To me this just seemed so unfair. I remember going into a busy supermarket shortly after his death and wanting to shout: “stop everyone don’t you realize that my brother died!
The fact is life does go on, and while it did feel like my life stopped, around me everything continued. I had a job, children and a husband that still needed loving care and attention. I realized I could not afford to lay in bed for the rest of my life (that is really what I felt like doing). Moving on brought with it guilt. Guilt that I was still around and he was not. He would no longer enjoy playing with his young son and spending quality time with his beautiful wife. This does nothing to appease the grieving process, if anything it exacerbates it.
Is it my fault that my loved one died? It is actually quite common for a loved one to (very unrealistically) blame themselves for the death of a loved one. Why wasn’t I there? Why didn’t I move more quickly to get there in time. I know for me I experienced much guilt that I lived in another part the world; that I was not able to be there for him as he passed and be there for my parents after they learned of his passing. It took me one whole week to get home. Was there anything else I could have done?
The comfort of the Holy Spirit is the only thing that kept me going, was my comfort and carried me when I felt like faltering. It is my hope that this site will be of help to those who are going through any of the many faces of grief. That it will provide comfort and support, and that others will feel free to share personal experiences that could potentially change, uplift someones elses life/spirit and relieve them of the heavy weight of guilt.