Loss is loss. Whether one has experienced loss of a loved one by; suicide, illness or an accident, whether they have lost a pet, a relationship/friendship, job, child (born or unborn) it is extremely hard to whether the storm. Loss often feels like your world has suddenly and inexplicably spiraled out of control or come to an abrupt end. So why does everyone around you continue on with their life as if nothing happened? The question remains: Do each of these forms of loss always fall in line with God’s plan or will for the lives of those involved and affected? In this weeks post we will focus on loss of a loved one via suicide.
Suicide maybe unequivocally, the hardest means of loss that anyone has to go through. Also it is the one type of loss that can never be deemed as God’s will. God loves us so very much that he would never, ever want us to intentionally inflict pain on ourselves. In fact, he hopes that we would not reject the gift of life he has so lovingly bestowed upon us, by prematurely ending it.
I have been impacted directly and indirectly by suicide and attempted suicide and have never been able to understand why one would take their own life, until I lost my brother. Life without him just did not seem worthwhile. I immediately regretted passing judgement on those who had thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide or had committed suicide. I have shared my feelings with countless others, and if I was to draw anything from what we shared in many of our sessions it is this: There is nothing more painful than the powerlessness of the bystander, onlooker and loved one. More often than not the individual has been struggling with depression or some form of mental illness. At other times there is no warning. In any scenario, one thing holds true, if a person is determined to end it, there is nothing anyone can do to stop them. This makes it even more challenging to handle, in fact, it causes indescribable pain for loved ones. All we can do is be there for them, love them, encourage them, share with them and more importantly pray without ceasing.
Death of a loved one is hard enough without the extreme circumstances which surround it. An illness can in many ways prepare loved ones for ones passing and though it does not make the process easier, it does make it easier to accept. In the case of an unexpected accident it is similarly challenging because of its unexpectedness. An accident is just that, unexpected and unintentional something that no-one meant to happen. Suicide on the other hand, though unexpected is very much intentional. This makes it virtually impossible accept. Why would my loved one take their own life? Was it something that I did or did not do? Was there anything I could have done to prevent it?
In all of this we must keep focused on this: the God who created us did so because our lives are valuable  and extremely precious to Him. Although none of us had a hand or choice of being born, the fact is we have been granted the privilege of time here on earth. With that privilege comes much responsibility. This responsibility should not be taken lightly. Our time on earth may be challenging, difficult and emotionally painful at times. But most of us also have wonderful experiences, have created memories and built meaningful relationships. Our actions as much as we fail to acknowledge it, impacts those around us. What kind of legacy do we want to leave? Pain, despair, hopelessness, sadness, unanswered questions, uncertainty and remorse? Nobody can give one determined to end it, a valid reason not to, but God our creator does have the final say: Choose life with me. “I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you”.