Nobody plans on becoming ill. We all hope to live long, healthy lives with those whom we love and hold dear. Unfortunately, life is not a bed of roses and all of us and some point in our lives get sick. For the most part, we make the most of it and come out on the other side. But this is not always the case. When a loved one becomes sick, we never assume the worst, we hope that they can be treated and soon be on their way to recovery. This is why an iIlness from which one never recovers is so disarming, shocking and challenging. The subsequent or eventual loss which occurs is indubitably difficult to accept.
Illness can at times be sudden followed by loss, sometimes it is lengthy (including intermittent seasons of treatment) recovery and good health. At other times though lengthy, illness is only characterized by a slow excruciating decline. All three scenarios are challenging, everyone has a different circumstance, experience and relationship with loved ones. Regardless of the scenario or circumstance, the emotional trauma is real and painful for those involved. Our loved one may have come to terms with what is happening, or they may not. Either way, we love them so it hurts to see them suffering, simply put: it is a challenging road to travel. A road that is paved with pain, sadness, anguish, anger, despair and many other faces of grief.
Last year, around this time, my beloved Uncle passed away. He was diagnosed with cancer, underwent treatment and had seasons of good to fair health. He was sick for sometime, but he never complained. I was not around when he entered this earth but from the time I knew him, he was a joy to be around, was fun-loving, cared for everyone and was loved by all. He constantly gave of himself despite what others thought. This was his gift; giving and he did it wholeheartedly until the day he died. He gave time, money, advice, counsel, food, wisdom, clothing off his back and this at times to people one would consider strangers. He was the one who tied the family together, diffused conflicts and mended broken bridges. How can the loss of such a wonderful person be God’s will?
As we have explored in past posts loss is loss, regardless of the who, the how and despite the fact we may never understand why. It is hard emotional work and even harder accepting it as God’s will. Accepting loss as God’s will requires one first of all to acknowledge that there is a God who created us and loves us beyond measure. We must have faith that our creator who does love us beyond measure knows whatever is in store; loss, pain or illness. He promises to be there for us even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Therefore we must trust that he will help us go through whatever life brings. The question remains: is loss God’s will and should we accept it? Job 2:10b states: “Shall we indeed accept only good from God and not also accept adversity and disaster?” Yes we must accept illness and subsequent loss as God’s will. We may never understand why we experience these challenges and adversities, only God in His divine wisdom and omniscience does.
Many of my readers have experienced the illness and subsequent loss of a loved one. What has your experience been? Please share! I encourage readers to share their experience here, through your testimony others may relate, be blessed, and encouraged. Let us help each other on this challenging journey and as we navigate through our many faces of grief.
I have asked the “which is worse” question myself, the usual response is longterm illness.
Having experienced both sudden (brother) and longterm illness (mother), the sad reality is that death is part of life but even with that knowledge you are never ready.
After my mother’s death I did compare the two experiences …..is there really a worse or just a matter of different. Longterm is extremely difficult, you may be the caretaker and even though you would have it no other way it can break you physically, emotionally and spiritually. You are trying your best to take care of your loved one and keep a positive disposition in their presence knowing that they are dying. They may even have come to terms with their fate which is of no help to you because selfishly you are not ready to let them go. The process can go on for years and then death comes and now you have to deal with the aftermath with whatever emotion you have left. In many cases the surviving spouse can pass shortly after due to the stress.
With sudden death there is no warning just the feeling of instant shock, sometimes feeling like you can’t breathe, which can linger on for years. It can lead to a lifetime of guilty thoughts of….had I known I would have, could have and should have.
At the end of the day as a Christian your faith is being put to the test. Prior to your present situation you were given survival skills in verse form and now you need to rely on them to survive your ordeal. ” I will never leave you…”Deut. 31:6, “God is our refuge and strength…” Psalms 46:1 and “…he not give you more than you can bear” 1 Corinthians 10:13.
As hard as it may be to believe, if God has allowed it, he knows we can handle it but not in our own strength but in his.
Dearest Alison,
Thank you for sharing…I know it is not easy sharing with others regarding our loss. I have only experienced sudden loss and it is so painful. Thank you for opening my eyes so that I could more aptly empathize with my readers who are supporting or who have gone through a long-term illness which has led or will eventually lead to loss. As you so wisely put it: At the end of the day as Christians…we must rely on the promises and comfort that Deuteronomy, Psalms and other scripture provide for us. May God continue to be with you (and your family) and sustain you on your journey through these “many faces of grief” (a title coined by you). Thank your for subscribing and sharing. Love to you and God’s richest blessings.