It Never Leaves

 

Losing a loved one is painful. At times it seems you are coping. At other times you feel like a robot going through the motions. The truth is; your life will never be what it was. For me the moment my brother passed realization hit; I was now the remaining sibling of both my parents. That hurt deeply. Hearing them vocalize it, even more painful. Being around others who had siblings was hard, understanding those who were estranged from, or complained about a sibling seemed frivolous.

At times I just feel so angry though I know in my heart that it is our own wrong decisions which can have such life-altering consequences. It angers me even more to know that though the victim is gone, the alleged perpetrator has carried on with life as if nothing happened; making treasured memories, enjoying food, family, fellowship and the rest of their lives. The same life my brother could have lived to enjoy.

It is important to accept that the grief, it never leaves, it embraces and takes hold of you as nothing else will. There is no way around it, one just has to go through it. It changes you to the very core, your priorities change, goals are altered and ties severed. I wish I could say that one day you feel better, the sun comes out and grieving ends. The fact is you will grieve until you too take your last breath. This may seem odd but I take comfort in this.  I can take my beloved with me each minute of every hour, every hour of every day.  To many this may seem insufficient, for me it is sufficient because the time we shared was so beautiful. I treasure the God-given time then, and the memories even more so now.