There are many faces of grief; anger, shock and even denial. It affects us in more ways than we wish to even acknowledge. This in turn affects the people around us, especially those closest to us. I often think of the day when I heard the news. I remember every detail. I remember the phone call, the look on my husbands face, and the way his voice quivered, as he told me the news I wished I never had to hear. I remember the pain, disbelief, anger, frustration, denial and numbness. Instead of embracing and accepting the news I ran away, I did weep, but I also pushed away those closest to me, especially my husband.
When we are feeling emotional pain, we turn ourselves inward, we become selfish and wrapped up in our own feelings of anguish and despair. We sometimes alienate those who more than anything want to stand by us and comfort us. When my husband told me that my brother had passed, he tried desperately to comfort me, but I physically pushed him away. Ever since that moment I have continued to push him away emotionally. The one with whom my spirit is knit, the one who is supposed to be closest to me in life. I have never admitted this openly, but at that time I didn’t care how the constant rejection made him feel. I was so engulfed with my own pain and my own feelings, that I didn’t acknowledge the fact that he too had a relationship with my brother and was also grieving. Had I not been totally engulfed with my own pain, we could have endured the pain together which would potentially draw us closer together.
The truth is relationships themselves are challenging, even without external influences and extenuating circumstances. We all bring our own past experiences, backgrounds, expectations and unique perspectives on life into our relationships. Therefore, if couples really want a relationship to work they have to be fully committed to each other. It takes time, effort hard work and most of all prayer. In walks grief and even the best of relationships can fall apart. Even if one spouse remains the same and never changes, it only takes one situation, or obstacle to create friction and cause a relationship to go spiralling out of control.
In my situation my husband loved and stayed by me although I constantly pushed him away. It reminds me of Jesus and how we sometimes discard him and try to walk life’s road alone. I am truly blessed because my husband could have decided that he was tired of trying, of being constantly rejected and trying to be there for me. Why should anyone keep on trying when someone wants nothing to do with them? I often think back and feel so ashamed, but at the same time I feel blessed. Blessed that he would love me so much to never give up on or leave me. Likewise, even when we forsake and turn our backs on the Lord, He never turns His back on us. He states in His word that he will never leave us nor forsake us and his word is tried, tested and true.
It is my hope that this post drives home the fact that our relationship with our spouses are the single most significant and important relationship in this life. We should pour as much time, effort, and investment into them as we can, while we can. Set aside time to connect, talk, share, and pray. The one thing we can never do enough is communicate. Let us not allow circumstances such as grief, drive a wedge between ourselves and the mate God provided for us. Instead, let us treasure every moment, create memories, pray together and draw closer together in the midst of trials. In drawing closer together instead of pulling away, we ensure that he/she knows that (besides our Heavenly Father), they are the single most important relationship we treasure in this life.
This is so powerful Sharon, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This post is very helpful.
This is so good. Thanks for reminding us to hold on to our loved ones.
“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Naa, I am so happy that this post resonates with you. Often times we take for granted the ones who love us most deeply and the One who loves us without condition. The fact is that death is a part of life and it has a nasty sting which none of us can escape. But, God through the Holy Spirit promises to be our comfort even as we walk through the valley of the shadow…..